Mission: B.M.B.B.
A Ronin Warriors / Gundam Wing Crazy Crossover
Compiled by Sameshima Shuzumi
1734 wc ~ PG-13 ~
WARNING: THIS IS INCOMPLETE. I was planning to write more of this chapter, and still haven't decided on whether or not I'll stop here or do more of the Dynasty.

Disclaimer: This is not completely my fault. The B.M.B.B. was Kayura's idea, among other things. This is dedicated to the new Minkland chatroom, may idiots rarely mess with it, where Kayura, Cynthia, Socks-chan, Mako, Darkflame, Setzer, and many many others contributed ideas. The Ronin boys and the Gundam boys are owned by Sunrise, the lucky buggers.

Last time, on B.M.B.B. Episode 1: The Whereabouts of Underwear
"Guys, contained in those bikini briefs is an incredible amount of power. We must do what we can to keep Romefeller or any other factions from getting their hands on them!"
"Damn it, not now, koi. It's so flimsy, you just might rip it down the middle. Besides, Zechs wants a piece of your ass."
"Push the button, Zechs! Or should I say, Milliardo!"
"Shit, I hope Heero still has a dick."
"You don't understand, Shin, that is Quatre Raberba Winner, pilot of Sandrock!" "Touma, that's just a silly show! Now would you put some clothes on?"
"You lost the Bimbo?!!"
"We might have missed it in the dark. We should continue our search of the grounds, but I say we -- infiltrate."
"Mission accepted."

Episode 2: Ass in the Dynasty

Treize Khushrenada came to in a darkened room. He felt around for his sword, hoping to at least wash it off after that fiasco.

Then it dawned on him that his arms and legs were chained up. And that the chains were attached to a bedpost. Therefore, he had to be spreadeagled on a bed, naked.

Treize sat up a little and smoothed out his hair. He could barely see his own hand in the darkness. Nevertheless, appearances had to be kept up. One could not disappoint the enemy.

Well, at least he smelled all right. Zechs--actually Milliardo, since it was Tuesday--kept the Tallgeese quite tidy despite all the sweating and grunting he did in there. Treize took a deep breath of his chained wrist: roses.

Treize’s eyes snapped open as he realized something. "Not roses," he murmured. "It’s Dorothy’s Love-Me-Mist..."

The door swung open. Rising straight up, he came to attention.


The shadows themselves seemed to speak. "Yes, please..."

The platinum blond formerly known as Zechs wandered the halls, looking for his gundam. He felt quite naked without his mobile suit. That, and he was really horny from the Love-Me-Mist, and he’d kept some antidote in the cockpit.

A reddish light spilled from one of the rooms. Quietly he entered. "Heating lamps? Why would anyone..." He trailed off, spotting the figure on the bed. The man was very pale, his soft hair almost bluish under the light, and furthermore he was very hot. Drops of sweat clung to his muscles; he had to be overheating, curled up like that around that snake.

Zechs by this point was frozen stiff. He’d never liked snakes. They reminded him of some women he’d known.

Then a sound pierced the silence of the room. "Squeee-chi!"

Alarmed, Zechs bent over the sleeping man to see if there was anything wrong. "Hm. I should have known. It’s a giant squeeze toy."

Chiding himself that he had an unfair advantage, Zechs bent down and let his hair tickle the other man. As expected, the man turned over. Squeee-chi!

‘Well. I am really horny. I wonder if he’s ticklish... there?’


Suddenly two slitted eyes opened. Zechs froze. The man was turned away from him, but he was licking his lips.

"Sh’ten... you dyed your hair..."

"Ah. I’m not--" But it was too late. A hand struck out and pulled Zechs’s thigh over his body.


Now straddling the man, Zechs watched as he slid down between his legs.

"What are you going to do?"

"Why, my dear Sh’ten, don’t you remember how good I am at swallowing?"

"But I’m--"

Squeee-chi! Squeee-chi! Squeee-chi!

Trowa shuddered. How could he have possibly have drawn the short end of the stick? Granted, he’d done all kinds of things when he was with the guerillas, but at least he’d gotten paid for those.

"Mor’ war’fles, ‘rowa?" Chewing vigorously, Shuu pushed the half-empty plate to the unibanged pilot. Trowa shook his head and downed some more coffee.

"C’mon, dude, you’re skinnier than Touma!"

Trowa did his time-honored impression of a wall, contemplating the whole situation. Blue boy was already hooked on Duo, no sense in breaking the set. There was no way he’d talk Wufei out of his target. Not when he’d skipped worshipping Nataku to right whatever "grave injustice" Seiji had done him. And Quatre... Trowa sighed. Quatre and Shin were eating a breakfast of Chunky Monkey and poring over doujinshi on the living room floor. Every now and then a round of giggles would erupt from their direction.

As for Heero-- "The injustice of it!" Screamed Wufei. "That maniac cheated!"

"Keep it down, Wufei," Trowa said, passing him a cup of tea. Apparently Wufei had heard: Heero, Perfect Soldier to the end, had already accomplished his mission.

He’d ‘accidentally’ walked in on Ryo in the shower. Now, a slightly smug look on his face, Heero was tailing his target to make certain he didn’t change underwear in the interim. Ryo was scurrying around looking more paranoid than usual.

Leaving the rest of them to deal with their targets. Trowa looked over at Shuu again. What was he supposed to do? Make a pass? That would require talking. Maybe he could just copy Heero and follow Shuu around till he... Trowa shivered again. He’d have better luck tempting him with food, except he couldn’t prepare anything beyond cold military rations.

Though Shuu would probably eat anything.

"Hey, you okay, uh, Trowa? That’s the umpteenth time you’ve started trembling."

Trowa shook away the horrible thought. "No, I’m fine."

"...there is no justice," muttered Wufei.

"You, uh, like justice a lot?" Shuu turned to the Chinese pilot. Trowa’s brows rose, subtly. Shuu probably didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘anti-social.’

Wufei gave him the same appraisal. "You might say that. It is the only worthy cause."

"Cool! I’m all for justice."

Trowa drank his coffee. Wufei scowled at his tea, which was doubtless two degrees too cold.

"Um..." Shuu looked at his plate, but it was empty. "What part of China did you come from?"

Wufei, for once, met Trowa’s gaze. Now was no time to explain the political and emotional ramifications of home countries and the colonies. In their opinion, Shuu probably wouldn’t get past ‘the.’

"It’s classified," offered Trowa. He kind of felt bad now. The guy was just being personable.

"And they call me the Ice Queen," said Seiji from the doorway. He went through the cupboard as Shuu babbled his greeting. "Hey! What happened to all the ryokucha!?" The blond turned and spied the steaming cup of green tea in Wufei’s hand. He advanced.

Trowa caught the slight change in Wufei’s stance. So did Seiji, and he kept his arms in front of him, ready to attack if need be.

Shuu looked from one to the other. "Guys... it’s just some tea. We haven’t done the groceries lately..."

Seiji went nose to nose with Wufei. "That. Is. My. Cup."

Trowa decided it wasn’t a good idea to volunteer that he’d made the tea for Wufei.

"I heard you last night," Wufei spat out suddenly. "You have no courtesy."

Seiji turned cherry red.

"I am going to do my katas," he gritted. With that he stormed out.

Trowa shot a glance at Wufei. ‘You picked him, you’d better stick to him.’

Wufei wrinkled his nose... and sneezed. "By Nataku, he uses more hairspray than you, Barton!"

Shuu snorted a laugh. Trowa just shrugged. Wufei gave them both a death glare he reserved for incompetent women and disappeared after Seiji.

"So. Uh, nice weather, huh?"

Trowa stared at his empty coffee cup. Maybe... Quatre would let him trade?

There was a squeal and another burst of giggles from the living room.

Not a chance.

Unbeknownst to Trowa and the other pilots, the Troopers were engaged in a heated telepathic discussion. Ryo stole a glance behind him nervously.

/This guy Heero keeps following me around! What am I supposed to do?!/

Touma leaned over the outside balcony. /Well, ya know, Ryo, he can kill you whenever he wants to./

/Greeeeat, Touma./

/I mean, if he hasn’t done it yet, that means he’s not planning on it. At least, not anytime soon./

Seiji broke in. /I for one do not like them in the house. If they’re international terrorists.../

/Freedom fighters!/

Ryo finished, /Then they should be able to hijack themselves a hotel room./

Touma shrugged. /Yeah.../ Seiji shot the archer a surprised look in mid-kata. It wasn’t often that he capitulated. /Something’s been bugging me since they got here./

Ryo gulped as he spotted Heero on the roof, watching him intently. /Dude, ya think?!/

Touma snorted, going back into his room. /Well, they said something last night about losing something. Heero was supposed to have it./

/Oh, the Bimbo!/ Said Shuu.

/Yeah, that thing. I’m pretty sure it’s a code word for something./

/Or someone,/ pointed out Shin.

/Right. They must have been on a mission when they left their universe. And if they lost this thing, they’d use any means possible to find it. But they didn’t look for it last night, when they were retrieving their Gundams./

Seiji snorted. /How do you know they didn’t find it?/

/Because they’re all on mission mode. Much as I’m enjoying Duo... /


/...they really could kill us in our sleep, faster than we can grab our armor orbs./

/Or whatever happens to pass for an armor orb,/ muttered Seiji.

Shin mentally shrugged. /Well, I think we should let them stay. It would be the polite thing./

Ryo’s sending came with a wave of paranoia. /They’re homicidal maniacs! And we’re letting them stay with us?/

/That Quatre fellow’s quite nice, you know!/ Shin had excused himself to get more nail polish remover, and was sending from his room.

Touma sighed. /Shin, just because a guy’s nice--/

/Where were all of you when I had to do dishes for ten?!! He was thoughtful enough to pitch in. They’re staying. That’s final./

/--doesn’t mean he wouldn’t blow up a colony./

/Are you suggesting he’s a slut!?!/ Shin was livid now.

Touma didn’t dignify that with an answer.

/They’ve got to go!/ Ryo insisted.

Shuu weighed in. /Hey guys... like Touma said, if they wanted to kill us, they’d have done it by now. Just let them look for whatever they’re looking for./

/Absolutely not./ Seiji.

Shin was too furious to speak. They knew how he was voting anyway.

So it was down to Touma.

Who had a braid around his neck.

~Back~ ~Next~

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